2008
I need a personal assistant to manage my online identities. Between Facebook, Linked In and some online dating sites I won’t name (lest I reveal too much), keeping up with it all is getting ridiculous.
How many different ways can I get “pinged” on Facebook? I’ve been poked, super poked, bitten, given a wedgie, had a pie thrown at me, not to mention invitations to take movie quizzes, geography tests and guess which celebrity belongs to which buttocks. Reminiscent of 5th grade, there are also a few applications implying that someone might like me and I can find out if only I will disclose a few things about myself - like sending 10 friends an invitation that implies someone might like them and if they would only disclose a few things about themselves…
I think a person with experience playing tennis with a machine gun would make for a good Facebook Secretary. A key task would be to return the daily barrage of pings, pokes and put-ons. Then, since I have a secretary, the obvious next step for me would be to escalate! I won’t just be able to return fire, I will serve it up like I don’t have a day job. My connections will be so impressed with how quickly I can initiate ever newer, technologically enhanced ways to say “what up, dude?”
But I don’t want just a tactician, mind you. I want a professional administrative assistant - someone with a real strategic vision for who I want to be online. Should I be a Linked In slut with 500+ connections and accept and seek every connection possible? Or should I at least know the people I am connected to? And how should my Linked In relate to my Facebook? Just because I worked with you that doesn’t mean we are friends.
A good secretary would be able to recommend a course of action to me by answering key questions, like what happens when I press “REJECT” on an invite. Does the sender get a “YOU WERE FLUSHED!” message? If so, I will continue to keep them sitting in my request list unanswered as I have for the last two years. If not, could someone please tell me that so I can flush these people and clear up the clutter in my inbox?
As far as the dating sites go, wow, that is a-whole-nother realm. Could I really expect to hire someone with the ability to keep track of all the lies I tell about myself? And could my Facebook secretary help keep away the fear that someday the woman from Lavalife will be able to post a Date Review and share it with all the mutual-to-three-degrees-of-separation “friends” we share across five social networking sites?
Oh Facebook Secretary, how did I ever live without you?
14 Responses
Gene, you should “Archive” thoes requests. If you “reject” them, then Linked in will assume they don’t know you, and assume they are spamers and ban them from contacting other people they know.
And the will be able to see it was you who did it to them. So if you do or might know them, but don’t want to connect, be a good person and archive the message.
I’m sure Tim Ferriss would have some good ideas for you. In the meantime, you can wear this t-shirt: http://217075.spreadshirt.com/us/US/Shop/Article/Index/article/WANTED-Facebook-Secretary-3118403
I’ve had a sheep thrown at me before….a SHEEP! I need a Facebook bodygaurd!
Let me know how the secretary thing works out..
When reviewing resumes, note that you actually want to hire people who say their career goals include poking people for a living. For other positions, that would probably be a negative.
I am new to Facebook, and I’ve been poked a fair amount but I’ve never had things thrown at me….especially not a SHEEP!! Goodness sakes alive!
This was a hilarious post. I could use a online secretary as well. :o) Cute idea.
Since I am new to facebook, I would love a secretary to educate me on the super duper wall protocol.
Wow, there are real answers to these questions. Jim, you are the leading candidate for this position. Let me know if you are available.
John, I love the t-shirt - how in the heck did you do that so fast? I want to order some, can I change the text slightly?
[…] out this hilarious post from UpTake! Wouldn’t it be nice to have a Facebook Secretary–you could stay smokin’ hot in […]
Clever marketing. touche!
jim, way to go on the linked in knowledge. madd props for that. my personal protocol, which consists of non-participation, works well for now. but should i ever reverse course and fall into the same boat that gene has, AND you haven’t gotten this job or similar - i have your contact information on file.
So how many resumes have you received from the Craigslist posting?
You should contact me! I’m up to the challenge. I’m polite, but ruthless. I’m a Facebook junkie, and I’d love to make a career of it. I’m like a Catholic nun teaching seventh grade when it comes to grammar and etiquette, and I’d love to be your online bitch bitch.
I am serious, here.
not really sure i’m loving this (;
Listen to this now - this is definitely some terrific reading lets just all calm down guyz, don’t overate this business;)